Once i was told that everybody got something that they had to leave behind... but what ever that i leave in my past... always has a way of coming back into my life... just when i least expected...
as a kid i was trouble... got involve with so much trouble just because i was lonely.. trying to get attention so that people would acknowledge my existence... things i did that i was never proud of... that i thought has become my scars... now it seems that my old scars are starting to bleed again....
i saw in a medical show once... the doctor said to the patient that when you hear voices in your head... you can be diagnose with skyizsofreania... in other words you could go insane... i have a multi-character inside of me... i could be just about any type of person i want to be... base on my surrounding, situation and type of people im with.... i keep changing constantly... just in a split second... some come up to me and say that i have an Innocent face... but i know its all noncense...
that all change when i meet her... for once in how long i cant remember... i become just a person... i've become normal... because i was loved... she made me realize who my true self is... when ever im mad, sad, or going to be bad... just the thought of her calms me down in an instant...
there's a saying... what goes up must eventually comes down... so does for every good thing must come to an end... why is it there is always a saying in everything..
4 years it lasted... and that is what forever meant to her... well i was too ambitious thinking it would last forever... if NOTHING last forever... then i just want NOTHING....
Saturday
Wednesday
Luahan peringatan
Serious... aku penat...
Please... if kau nak menghilangkan diri... please pergi dan jangan kembali...
bertahun aku ambil masa untuk aku lupe.... tapi kau datang mengingatkan semuanya...
kau datang dengan berita gembira... aku cuba nak gembira same... tapi hati aku terseksa mengetahui kau nak mendirikan rumah tangga...
Berape lame kite bercinta... berape lame kite bersama.... separuh dari usia kita.... dan kau ingat dengan mudah ke aku lupe semuanya???
aku gembira bile kau datang semula.. walaupun dengan berita duka.... tapi sekali lagi kau pergi... dan kau pergi dengan menguriskan hati....
luke lama belum pun kering darahnya... kau tambah dengan luka baru yang tah bile akan sembuhnya....
Aku xpernah jatuh cinta lagi sejak dengan kau kecuali sekali... dan die lah yang pertama mampu buat aku lupe tentang kita... aku lupe sepenuhnya... dan saat itu aku teramat bahagia... cuma malangnya bukan jodoh aku dengan dia...
Buat masa ni kau tolong la pergi... aku xnak ingat kau lagi... hati ni dah terlalu sakit untuk menghadapi semua ni lagi...
aku bukan benci... xde langsung perasaan iri hati... cuma aku harap kau dapat mengerti... biarlah semua ni.... sehingga suatu hari nanti... tadkir menemukan kite kembali....
Izinkan aku melihat dari jauh kehidupan kau... aku cuma nak lihat anak tu nanti...
Saturday
Kasut span Hitam
serious... setiap kali aku sebut.. atau teringat... aku mesti nak ketawa... aku sendiri pun tak tau kenapa... tapi sebab kasut span itam tu la punca.... buat dendam dan marah aku hilang semua...
semalamam aku berfikir,.... aku terkenang.... tarik rambut dan kene tendang.... mungkin aku ketawa dengar word tu sebab aku terbayang kau cakap dengan nada yang marah... dalam marah kau pun ade comelnya....( ye aku puji kau )
aku x paham... aku terus jadi x kesah... walau aku cuba nak cari balik rase dendam tu dengan baca balik ayat2 makian kau... tapi bile aku teringat kasut span itam... aku ketawa... skrang pun aku masih ketawa.....
Aku just harap suatu hari nanti kau xlagi benci aku... xde lagi dendam... walaupun aku tau pada kau tu x mungkin terjadi... aku dah maafkan semua kesalahan dan kesilapan kau.. walau pun aku tau kau rase xde... aku pun harap kau pun macam tu jugak... harap kau bahagia dengan hidup kau sekarang dan akan datang...
Monday
Kisah 6 tahun dulu
Suatu hari dari 7 hari di Langkawi...
Aku: Mr. Mark... how do you end up here in Malaysia?
Mr. Mark: Well I've been travelling the world with my yard since I first bought it when I was 24...
Aku: How old are you now?
Mr. Mark: 26
Aku: So you spent 2 years travelling the world... wow... I'm sure you've been to a lot of cool places... but it must be lonely travelling alone...
Mr. Mark: Nope... not alone... I sat sail from Perth with my Girlfriend... Yeah... we've been around... Dubai, Egypt, Vanice, and all over Europe...
Aku: Wow... you must be a rich guy to be able to go places... it must be wonderful to travel around... and its more meaningfull to travel with someone you love...
Mr. Mark: Yeah... and No... I'm not a rich guy... I bought the yard from a friend... I fix it up good and decide to travel the seven seas...
Aku: What do you do for money? don't mind me asking...
Mr.Mark: Owh.. no.. not at all... I work... took any job that I could find... just like right now... and when we have enough money.. we travel to some place else...
Aku: I adore and envy you... you get to go places where I could only look at in pictures... one day... I want to be just like you...
Mr.Mark: hoho... you can my boy... but first you need to know your place...
Aku: My place? what do you mean?
Mr. Mark: To travel somewhere... you need to bring something from home... it doesn't mean a 'thing' but knowledge of your home... so that when you travel around and learn about other places, people and their culture.. you need to trade some or yours also... if not.. it would be embarrassing.. wouldn't it?
perbualan itu berakhir dengan Mark melukis peta Australia di permukaan pantai di salah sebuah pulau di Langkawi... die menceritakan tempat2 di Australia... dari malam tu aku berangan2 nak jadi macam die.... mengembara melihat dunia... antara kenangan 7 hari yang aku ingat sampai mati...
mungkin suatu haari nanti aku mampu buat semua tu... tapi mungkin bukan berlayar... aku nak terbang....
Aku: Mr. Mark... how do you end up here in Malaysia?
Mr. Mark: Well I've been travelling the world with my yard since I first bought it when I was 24...
Aku: How old are you now?
Mr. Mark: 26
Aku: So you spent 2 years travelling the world... wow... I'm sure you've been to a lot of cool places... but it must be lonely travelling alone...
Mr. Mark: Nope... not alone... I sat sail from Perth with my Girlfriend... Yeah... we've been around... Dubai, Egypt, Vanice, and all over Europe...
Aku: Wow... you must be a rich guy to be able to go places... it must be wonderful to travel around... and its more meaningfull to travel with someone you love...
Mr. Mark: Yeah... and No... I'm not a rich guy... I bought the yard from a friend... I fix it up good and decide to travel the seven seas...
Aku: What do you do for money? don't mind me asking...
Mr.Mark: Owh.. no.. not at all... I work... took any job that I could find... just like right now... and when we have enough money.. we travel to some place else...
Aku: I adore and envy you... you get to go places where I could only look at in pictures... one day... I want to be just like you...
Mr.Mark: hoho... you can my boy... but first you need to know your place...
Aku: My place? what do you mean?
Mr. Mark: To travel somewhere... you need to bring something from home... it doesn't mean a 'thing' but knowledge of your home... so that when you travel around and learn about other places, people and their culture.. you need to trade some or yours also... if not.. it would be embarrassing.. wouldn't it?
perbualan itu berakhir dengan Mark melukis peta Australia di permukaan pantai di salah sebuah pulau di Langkawi... die menceritakan tempat2 di Australia... dari malam tu aku berangan2 nak jadi macam die.... mengembara melihat dunia... antara kenangan 7 hari yang aku ingat sampai mati...
mungkin suatu haari nanti aku mampu buat semua tu... tapi mungkin bukan berlayar... aku nak terbang....
Saturday
BMX... HONDA EX5???
Just that day...
Before you went away…
I still remember what you say…
But now I can't even say hey...
I don't really believe in destiny
Because I think it was fate that brought you to me…
It may sounds like destiny…
Or it’s just something that is meant to be…
I don’t how or what I feel…
But deep inside it’s telling me that this is real…
I’m sorry to call you a third wheel…
The truth is you made me go heads over heels…
I don’t really know what you mean to me…
My fears made me blind that I can’t see…
I just don’t want to loose what you have with me…
I don’t want to be the enemy…
It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you…
I think it’s fair to say that I miss you…
Right now I just don’t know what to do…
Wish that everything would pull through…
A friend in need is a friend indeed…
You’re a friend that I really need
I’m sorry for all my wrong deeds…
Before you went away…
I still remember what you say…
But now I can't even say hey...
I don't really believe in destiny
Because I think it was fate that brought you to me…
It may sounds like destiny…
Or it’s just something that is meant to be…
I don’t how or what I feel…
But deep inside it’s telling me that this is real…
I’m sorry to call you a third wheel…
The truth is you made me go heads over heels…
I don’t really know what you mean to me…
My fears made me blind that I can’t see…
I just don’t want to loose what you have with me…
I don’t want to be the enemy…
It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you…
I think it’s fair to say that I miss you…
Right now I just don’t know what to do…
Wish that everything would pull through…
A friend in need is a friend indeed…
You’re a friend that I really need
I’m sorry for all my wrong deeds…
Sunday
how can I NOT be emotionally disturb when...
I keep on loosing everything that i hold dear in my heart...
I had a bestfriend since i was 3... he was my first friend in this world... but I lost him when I was 18... the worst part is... he called me before he died... and we've made a promise.... I never did get the chance to finish that promise to him... I didn't had the chance to go to his funeral.... May Allah bless your soul Inn...
Then I've found another... she was great... the best I ever had... we shared everything... she could solve all of my problems without even saying a word... just being there for mw is comforting enough... then we become lovers... but it ends when she got married to another guy... what are the odds huh? I lost another bestfriend...
over the years.. I've gotten close to people... and create a special bond... but then they just somehow had to move away... because of family... because of work.. studies... and everything else to that matter...
so I thought that I should be friends with someone far away.. who knows maybe we could become closer and closer together.... U know... trying the reverse effect on my theory... but guest what... just as we become close... we drove even far apart....
the looser I am.... enough said
I had a bestfriend since i was 3... he was my first friend in this world... but I lost him when I was 18... the worst part is... he called me before he died... and we've made a promise.... I never did get the chance to finish that promise to him... I didn't had the chance to go to his funeral.... May Allah bless your soul Inn...
Then I've found another... she was great... the best I ever had... we shared everything... she could solve all of my problems without even saying a word... just being there for mw is comforting enough... then we become lovers... but it ends when she got married to another guy... what are the odds huh? I lost another bestfriend...
over the years.. I've gotten close to people... and create a special bond... but then they just somehow had to move away... because of family... because of work.. studies... and everything else to that matter...
so I thought that I should be friends with someone far away.. who knows maybe we could become closer and closer together.... U know... trying the reverse effect on my theory... but guest what... just as we become close... we drove even far apart....
the looser I am.... enough said
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