back when we were we... you guy's where always there for me...
Thank you.... I wish you well where ever you maybe....
we'll always have our memories to guide us thru....
Miss you guys already...
Saturday
Hard can be in the middle of life… So hard that some wish for it to end
For I have strived… and I strive… to finally found a true friend.
About this person I would like to share… Hope she knows how much I care…
How could I write?
And how could I recite?
To tell you about ******n
Whose nickname is ****
We met was because of fate
What I felt for the first time was all hate
But she turn’s out to be great
That’s something that I couldn’t dictate
Bit by bit we start to know each other
That’s after I asked for her number
And that is when things started to get better
No longer a stranger to one another
She has this laughter
That would chase your bitter
She listen and critics all at the same time
She’s just being true and surely that’s not a crime
That’s what I like about her
Straight forward without any corner
She has this voice that could calm me down
And brings me up when ever I feel down
That’s a true friend that is hard to find
And yes… she’s one of a kind
Tuesday
You know why... then why asked?
Yes… I think that all I said to who ever you said is true…. I’m fad up with you… seriously I regret leaving my ex for YOU… you put me thru hell… I give everything and at the end you leave me in mockery… you don’t have respect for me… and you will never gain respect from others….
No wonder Andy was looking for scandals behind your back… I understand what he felt when he was with you… He wasn’t happy…
Come on… you said that if I really did regret… why didn’t I leave you??? I think about leaving you everyday… but you know so well why I can’t leave you… and now you did leave me… that is really what I always wanted…. No need to follow you’re friend advice to give me the finger and fuck off…
The worse I ever had is you… you can cry on to one poor bastard that hasn’t known you well yet… its fine by me… I can tell you one thing… you wouldn’t meet with a guy ever so close like me…
Owh I know you’ll read this….
No wonder Andy was looking for scandals behind your back… I understand what he felt when he was with you… He wasn’t happy…
Come on… you said that if I really did regret… why didn’t I leave you??? I think about leaving you everyday… but you know so well why I can’t leave you… and now you did leave me… that is really what I always wanted…. No need to follow you’re friend advice to give me the finger and fuck off…
The worse I ever had is you… you can cry on to one poor bastard that hasn’t known you well yet… its fine by me… I can tell you one thing… you wouldn’t meet with a guy ever so close like me…
Owh I know you’ll read this….
Sunday
That's Harsh
Harsh words had been said… words that to a normal person would definitely hurt…
my principal in life are simple… people do good things to me… I’ll reply them with double goodness… and who ever do bad things to me… I’ll triple the bad things to them… but since with you… I’ve broken almost every principal in my life… and so I’ll break it once more….
I so much want to get even with you… even did a few stuffs that would hurt you the most… and I knew I succeeded in doing that… but no more… I think back on my life… and I’ve hurt people’s feelings before… so I guest I deserve this one…
You were the perfect girlfriend… and I just don’t have the time to fulfill your needs… you’ve asked for a break up about 10 times… but I don’t believe that it was over… but now… after those harsh words of you and your friends… I know that it’s definitely over… I have my pride as a guy… and I’ve shattered it all because of you… and yes… what you said is true… I DESERVE BETTER…
After all the crap you put me thru… I accept that it’s over… and thank you for all the wonderful memories… I’ll pay you back someday…
my principal in life are simple… people do good things to me… I’ll reply them with double goodness… and who ever do bad things to me… I’ll triple the bad things to them… but since with you… I’ve broken almost every principal in my life… and so I’ll break it once more….
I so much want to get even with you… even did a few stuffs that would hurt you the most… and I knew I succeeded in doing that… but no more… I think back on my life… and I’ve hurt people’s feelings before… so I guest I deserve this one…
You were the perfect girlfriend… and I just don’t have the time to fulfill your needs… you’ve asked for a break up about 10 times… but I don’t believe that it was over… but now… after those harsh words of you and your friends… I know that it’s definitely over… I have my pride as a guy… and I’ve shattered it all because of you… and yes… what you said is true… I DESERVE BETTER…
After all the crap you put me thru… I accept that it’s over… and thank you for all the wonderful memories… I’ll pay you back someday…
To my three best friends
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Its been a while since we when out or even sit down to have dinner or just having a drink together… all four of us… well our lives are different now… things are even more complicated just like you said Yana…
I know it’s awkward for you guys…. Having me around when I’m enemies with that bastard… things between me and Syameem seemto be resolving… but still every time I’m with her there’s this awkward silence between us… we seem to have nothing to say to each other… at one point we were surplus with topics to say to each other… each time on the phone would be for hours… but now… it seems like we’re strangers….
You guys said that I’m trying to avoid all of you… no… that’s not it… I’m just trying to keep my distance… you three are close… I’m sure I would only take up space… anyway you can always find me when ever you need help or in trouble… just like you guys always do…
I’m actually living my life just like the way before I meet you guys… our memories together was great… lets just keep it that way…
Wednesday
Spot on Aqie
Yup.. Our lives will always be surrounded by people that is not satisfied with what they have so they bother other people just to feel good about themself...
those people are the loser type....
so the fuck with them.... just live on our awsome life and let the loser be....
don't bother giving them attention....
and soon they'll die on their own...
live life your way...
those people are the loser type....
so the fuck with them.... just live on our awsome life and let the loser be....
don't bother giving them attention....
and soon they'll die on their own...
live life your way...
Tuesday
Insomnia
Its been almost a week now... and i've been getting insomnia... I can't really find the problem for my sleeping disorder... i'm usually like this during big matches... but hockey is long gone for me... I keep on feeling this adraline rush in my head that prevent me from sleeping... owh.. i've tried and i've tried so may thing to get me to sleep... but the final conclusion isi just can't sleep...
I've been watching tv last night... I think its my second time watching tv since i got back for the holidays... and my firstthis month.... suppprise? well i never relly dig television.... I rther watch movies.... that' why all the series that I loveI have them downloaded from the internet... so that I wouldn't miss and episode... and I can watch it when ever I want...
Back to the story.... as I was watching ASTRO PRIMA.. i can't remember the tittle of the story... well its about a guy who disguises as a woman and work at the same office as his girlfriend.... just to see her girlfriend everyday... but the girl couldn't rocogize her boyfriend and up being good friends to each other... The girl friend would often share her problems regarding her boyfriend to her new 'girlfriend'... gosh.. what a dumb bitch... then again...
the girlfriend often wants to meet up with her boyfriend but he's always busy with something... her boyfriend dosen't workat all... so when he said that he's busy... she starts to suspect him to have another woman.... such a typical, simple mindedshort thinkimh and irrational girl... well all girls are like that... to say most is just un fair... no offence ladies... in this story.. the reason why the boyfriend was busy is because their boss got the hearts for his boyfriend nd often ask him to go arround acompanying him to meet with client at night... it was a stupid story... but the issue was related to recentevent ocuring in my life...
women loves attention... they loved to be pampered by the one they love... but sometimes they ae asking too much... and all guys know this for a fact... but they never made time for them.. often busy with other stuff... stuff that mattered... you see... why woman and man are so diffrent is because woman are detailed... they look into every matter as if their livesdepend on them... picking up a colour for their nails can be a frustrating task... but guys... they look for way more serious matters... such as how to put food on the table... clothes and shelter... they are actually trying not just to make the womanhappy but the whole family... that is how unselfish man is... but woman only think of attention.... us man think of serious stuff for the harmonies of living together... so please understand... and be more considerate on what we've done...
one of the reason that the family intitution in this country starts failing is because of working parents... I mean.. if bothare working... who's left to look after the kids??? and all the burden falls under school teachers and nursery... I would say that putting food on the table is a job for the man of the house.... but thats is irrational of me to say... because the salary of just one parent can't coupe with the standart of living in this country... our standard of living is very low
compared to other develope countries....
but we are still developing.... the year 2020 is the vision that Malaysia is a fully develope country... and now is 2009... 11 years left to go.... I can see the mega structures developing... but I can't see and developmet in making our standart of living higher.... the macroeconomics objective is not achieve... the rich becomericher and the poor are just sadly poorer...
gosh... what ever am i babbling about... I'm way out of contacts... I'm thinking to much....
I've been watching tv last night... I think its my second time watching tv since i got back for the holidays... and my firstthis month.... suppprise? well i never relly dig television.... I rther watch movies.... that' why all the series that I loveI have them downloaded from the internet... so that I wouldn't miss and episode... and I can watch it when ever I want...
Back to the story.... as I was watching ASTRO PRIMA.. i can't remember the tittle of the story... well its about a guy who disguises as a woman and work at the same office as his girlfriend.... just to see her girlfriend everyday... but the girl couldn't rocogize her boyfriend and up being good friends to each other... The girl friend would often share her problems regarding her boyfriend to her new 'girlfriend'... gosh.. what a dumb bitch... then again...
the girlfriend often wants to meet up with her boyfriend but he's always busy with something... her boyfriend dosen't workat all... so when he said that he's busy... she starts to suspect him to have another woman.... such a typical, simple mindedshort thinkimh and irrational girl... well all girls are like that... to say most is just un fair... no offence ladies... in this story.. the reason why the boyfriend was busy is because their boss got the hearts for his boyfriend nd often ask him to go arround acompanying him to meet with client at night... it was a stupid story... but the issue was related to recentevent ocuring in my life...
women loves attention... they loved to be pampered by the one they love... but sometimes they ae asking too much... and all guys know this for a fact... but they never made time for them.. often busy with other stuff... stuff that mattered... you see... why woman and man are so diffrent is because woman are detailed... they look into every matter as if their livesdepend on them... picking up a colour for their nails can be a frustrating task... but guys... they look for way more serious matters... such as how to put food on the table... clothes and shelter... they are actually trying not just to make the womanhappy but the whole family... that is how unselfish man is... but woman only think of attention.... us man think of serious stuff for the harmonies of living together... so please understand... and be more considerate on what we've done...
one of the reason that the family intitution in this country starts failing is because of working parents... I mean.. if bothare working... who's left to look after the kids??? and all the burden falls under school teachers and nursery... I would say that putting food on the table is a job for the man of the house.... but thats is irrational of me to say... because the salary of just one parent can't coupe with the standart of living in this country... our standard of living is very low
compared to other develope countries....
but we are still developing.... the year 2020 is the vision that Malaysia is a fully develope country... and now is 2009... 11 years left to go.... I can see the mega structures developing... but I can't see and developmet in making our standart of living higher.... the macroeconomics objective is not achieve... the rich becomericher and the poor are just sadly poorer...
gosh... what ever am i babbling about... I'm way out of contacts... I'm thinking to much....
Parents Wedding
every normal person would grow up thinking about marriage... and they would also think about their parents to come to theirwedding... but what they don't expect is to come for their perents wedding...
i'm sure there's a lot of people that have been to their parents wedding... well our family institution this days isn't very strong due to so many reason... i would say it.. then this post wouldn't be about what i want to post about...
for a normal family you'll have a dad, a mum, and probably a brother or sister or just you alone... not many you've heard that have two mothers... but i do.. yes I got two mum's... but not because my dad got married again...
its like this... my mother and my other mum are best friends... and her son was my best friend... we are closed just like family... but.. later on my best friend whom is her son died of an accident when i was in the national servis... since then on she treated me like her own son.. well she did so before.. but more after my best friend's death... I was sad that my best friend died... cried my eyes out... he was my first friend in this world... we've known each other since both are in our mother's woam... do you know who's your first frend i this world???
May Allah rest his soul and put him in a better place... Amin
My Mother The kindergarden Teacher
Puan Hjh. Painah...she's a kindergarden teacher and infact she was my teacher when I entered there... Hiltop Private School.. HIltop Private school was establish in the 1950's... seriously.. it has been that long... the building there is a bit old school well... its an old english look.... since the english build them during the english occupation here in Malaya.. go figure right?....
you'll find kids as young as 3 years old there...because i was 3 when i first entered there... when i say lots of races... i do mean lots of races... not only you typical malay, chinese and indian.... but children from australia, japan, korea, America, england Indonesia, and i can't remember all.. because i only stated what i've seen... During my time... there were only kids from england, america and australia... wish i could hangout with a korean or japanese kid...
You see... Hiltop Private School is a school mostly for foreigners childrens that works in Malaysia.. mainly in the Johorcapital of Johore Bahru... its great there and even know i'm 22 now... I can still remember my kindergarden days...
and lastly... a picture of a kid with royal blood... if you are a Johorian... you'll know who's son he is....
Getting Enggaged
It happend again...
One of my childhood friend is getting enggaged... and soon to get married... well... in two years time... but seriously.. what's the deal with everybody??? everyone is talking about and planned about marrige... are you serious??
I've look back and counted... from all of my childhood friends... 3 including recently.. got enggaged... 5 are already married... and 3 already have kids... gosh... all that in the age of 22... owh yeah... my neace had recently got married too.. yes my neace... well she's the same age as me...
thinking about all this made me remember on how i was long ago... thinking about commitment... having a relationship.. staying true and all that 'BS'.... but now... I think that's all crap... I ain't getting married until at least 30..
I no longger believe in love so that isn't a problem to me... if there is a girl one day... that day is when i turn 30...before that.. everything would be just a fling.... i'm free... i'm not control by any bitch... i can do what ever.. when ever without feeling guilty of being nagged about it... this life is way more enjoyble then the last 10 and a half months ago of my life....
well.... I wish my bro happiness with the woman that he chose to spent his life with... I just wish that i would be at your wedding because i've missed most of our gang's wedding... not by choice...
My World
I was once told that in live... you must find your own world in order to feel the sense of belonging...I've search for this world.... and find a few... and thought that i belong in some of that world at first... but time told me otherwise... and so i keep on searching for my world.. just to feel the senseof belonging...
for now this is my world... well i've discovered it years ago... but i left it when i thought i had found something else... there was nothing wrong with it... except that its to wild... i love it... i didn't even know why i left it..
but now... i'm bck again. maybe to stay... maybe this is the world that i've been searching for...
to some... you might dispare... but i don't care.... you're not me...
i'm done trying making other people happy while i bare their sadness... i should be selfish and think about myself first... yup.. everyone should think about themself first before thinking ofothers... because you yourself are not perfect... so don't bother correcting people...
well thats too selfish.... okey... i would rephrase...
help others if only you think it dosen't effect you... thats the best way...
for now this is my world... well i've discovered it years ago... but i left it when i thought i had found something else... there was nothing wrong with it... except that its to wild... i love it... i didn't even know why i left it..
but now... i'm bck again. maybe to stay... maybe this is the world that i've been searching for...
to some... you might dispare... but i don't care.... you're not me...
i'm done trying making other people happy while i bare their sadness... i should be selfish and think about myself first... yup.. everyone should think about themself first before thinking ofothers... because you yourself are not perfect... so don't bother correcting people...
well thats too selfish.... okey... i would rephrase...
help others if only you think it dosen't effect you... thats the best way...
To Tabel and Ted
I'm so NOt over you
Tell me How... because i have all the answers but still i can't find ways to forget about you...
If only i didnt send you that text message... then i would never find out... how stupid of me to do so... I think its betterfor me to find out about it after you got married... so that the thouht of you getting married doesn't honst me at night... thinking of ways to stop you from gettin married to that guy... but that's just wrong... you from all people deserve to beliving the happy life you always dreamed off... it would be selfish of me to prevent such a thing from happening.... but... the funny thing is... i always thought that i was the one that would make you happy... the one that would take you to the ligtat the end of the tunnel... but it was never meant to be....
but i can say that it wasn't my act... That night... it was my heart that tells me to text you that night... even though thatits been more then a year since i last heard anything from you...
as usual me and my words would melt your heart... and i'm sure thats what made you reply my text message... well you said it so yourself... its always been that way... i've written a hundread poems for you since before we were an item... I don't know whybut i always have this inspiration to write about you... it doesn't matter that i'm happy or sad,,, or when i'm mad... in goodtimes or when times are bad... there would always be something to write about you... and now i wonder.. where did i get all this inspiration from... I think its because of the deep feeling... the campassion of my love for you without affection... you were my first true love... my first and only true love....
suddently i remember what i've wrote in one of my poems for you....
"Cinta suci yang abadi berlaku hanya sekali
walaupun kita tidak pernah pasti
namun cinta suci tetap kekal abadi dihati
walau tidak dapat disatukan di akhirnya nanti"
True love will only happends once in our livesbut we don't know when it happends...
but true love remains true in our heart and lives forever in our mind.... even when we fail to become one...
I never did find a replacement for you.... and i've been with a hundread girls after you left... there was one or two that hadinspired me to write about them... but i could only write one or two.. not a hundread like when i was with you...
why did you come back? why do you have to put me in this situation again.... all i think about now is you... and you getting married.... and no i will not come.... i will not go to you wedding.... i don't want my tears to fload your wedding day...
If i ever go... i would go with a special someone... whom manage to made me forget about you just by being with her... She wasthe perfect replacement.... no... she's not a replacement... she's more then that... she showed me how to love again... but she's gone too... and so this is how my love story ends... I'm trying not to feel sad.. because i don't wan her to feel guiltyshe was a breeze when she come... she swept me right off my feet... but like the breeze... it fade away..
Tell me How... because i have all the answers but still i can't find ways to forget about you...
If only i didnt send you that text message... then i would never find out... how stupid of me to do so... I think its betterfor me to find out about it after you got married... so that the thouht of you getting married doesn't honst me at night... thinking of ways to stop you from gettin married to that guy... but that's just wrong... you from all people deserve to beliving the happy life you always dreamed off... it would be selfish of me to prevent such a thing from happening.... but... the funny thing is... i always thought that i was the one that would make you happy... the one that would take you to the ligtat the end of the tunnel... but it was never meant to be....
but i can say that it wasn't my act... That night... it was my heart that tells me to text you that night... even though thatits been more then a year since i last heard anything from you...
as usual me and my words would melt your heart... and i'm sure thats what made you reply my text message... well you said it so yourself... its always been that way... i've written a hundread poems for you since before we were an item... I don't know whybut i always have this inspiration to write about you... it doesn't matter that i'm happy or sad,,, or when i'm mad... in goodtimes or when times are bad... there would always be something to write about you... and now i wonder.. where did i get all this inspiration from... I think its because of the deep feeling... the campassion of my love for you without affection... you were my first true love... my first and only true love....
suddently i remember what i've wrote in one of my poems for you....
"Cinta suci yang abadi berlaku hanya sekali
walaupun kita tidak pernah pasti
namun cinta suci tetap kekal abadi dihati
walau tidak dapat disatukan di akhirnya nanti"
True love will only happends once in our livesbut we don't know when it happends...
but true love remains true in our heart and lives forever in our mind.... even when we fail to become one...
I never did find a replacement for you.... and i've been with a hundread girls after you left... there was one or two that hadinspired me to write about them... but i could only write one or two.. not a hundread like when i was with you...
why did you come back? why do you have to put me in this situation again.... all i think about now is you... and you getting married.... and no i will not come.... i will not go to you wedding.... i don't want my tears to fload your wedding day...
If i ever go... i would go with a special someone... whom manage to made me forget about you just by being with her... She wasthe perfect replacement.... no... she's not a replacement... she's more then that... she showed me how to love again... but she's gone too... and so this is how my love story ends... I'm trying not to feel sad.. because i don't wan her to feel guiltyshe was a breeze when she come... she swept me right off my feet... but like the breeze... it fade away..
Wednesday
so whats new about me?
lets see... my ex girlfriend... whom i was involved with for almost 3 years... the first love that i ever had is going to get married this July.... she invites me to come to the wedding.... that's just so awkward... never invite and ex to your wedding... why??
why invite a failed romance to come and see a successful one?
of course i wouldn't go... Im letting my past go by treating it as it never existed.... its the best way... just forgive and let go....
then just as i thought that i had found someone that i could love more then i could love my ex... ( believe me.. loving someone else just as much is hard for me) she dumped me... and so that conclude another failure in my relationship....
isn't live just fun....
i'm done being downhearted... being brokenhearted... and other feeling associated with the heart... i'll treat all the other girls after this as a temporary flings.... but then again... i could be looking back in my past for this one particular person whom always have a special place in my heart....
lets see... my ex girlfriend... whom i was involved with for almost 3 years... the first love that i ever had is going to get married this July.... she invites me to come to the wedding.... that's just so awkward... never invite and ex to your wedding... why??
why invite a failed romance to come and see a successful one?
of course i wouldn't go... Im letting my past go by treating it as it never existed.... its the best way... just forgive and let go....
then just as i thought that i had found someone that i could love more then i could love my ex... ( believe me.. loving someone else just as much is hard for me) she dumped me... and so that conclude another failure in my relationship....
isn't live just fun....
i'm done being downhearted... being brokenhearted... and other feeling associated with the heart... i'll treat all the other girls after this as a temporary flings.... but then again... i could be looking back in my past for this one particular person whom always have a special place in my heart....
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