This I don't understand....

aku baru je meninggalkan satu commitment.... well... aku sorang je yang committed dalam hubungan tu... sundal tu xpun... ye lah name pun sundal... dah memang begitu perangai beliau... awal dulu siap mintak nasihat Miss Chocolate lagi camne nak handle situation macam die handle aku...

if korang yang bace ni cakap kenape aku pilih si sundal tu in the first place... ade kaitannya dengan Miss Chocolate.... padan dengan muke aku sendiri sebab xhargai die dulu... sampai die bosan dengan aku... yg aku xfaham... kenape... rase frust... xdapat melupakan... rindu.... semua tu langsung xde....

mulanya aku rase lega.... tapi dalam hati fikir.. kenape dengan aku nie... kenape rase macam nie... sebab macam x patut... ye lah baru je putus cintakan....

Abby yg selalu amek tau pasal aku kat office tu pun tanya... "Kau asal nampak happy je bile putus" aku xde jawapan untuk soalan die tu... aku rase macam lepas satu beban....

nak disamekan... rase die macam lepas aku abes final paper aku untuk last semester.... dan aku grad... macam tu lah rase lega die...

Si Cantik tau pasal hal aku nie.... dan die cakap aku ni kene "guna-guna" aku rase x.... sebab apa aku begitu yakin hanya aku je tau kenape...

Jangan risau... aku akan ceritakan segalanya.... pelan2... identity orang2 dalam cerita2 aku yang lepas2 pun akan terbongkar.... beserta gambar untuk tatapan dan pemahaman kamu semua...

"Knock Out Punch"

Every actions has its consequences... Just like an investment... it has its risks... things can go great at first and it can change to bad.... and from bad... to worst...

Life at some point has a way of knocking us down... but we can choose to get up after falling... its just the question of how fast we got up after falling... and for some... life keeps on knocking them down... and they keep on falling and falling to the point that they feel they can't get up... feels like they had just received a "knockout punch"... and when that time comes... they'll give up...

as the saying goes " No one really dies a virgin... because in the end... life fucks us all"...

I've lost count how many times life had given me a knock out punch... I think now I know why.... it just came to me while writing this post.... its acceptance and appreciation.... that is what I'm lacking.... I only had acceptance... as I have a very high tolerance for people.... but appreciation.... I just don't know how...

Tahukah anda siapa mereka???

Aku ada satu sifat semula jadi…. Dimana pada setiap individu yang aku minat… mereka aka nada nickname mereka sendiri… dan dalam madah2 yang pernah aku tulis… kadangkala… Tajuknya merupakan nickname diorang… khas untuk individu itu mengetahui post itu adalah untuk mereka….

The Misses
Earth Angel
Purple Star
Pink Cat
Miss Chocolate
Orange Specks
Si Cantik

Mereka ini lah yang sering ada dalam madah puisi hati yang aku nukilkan…. Nukilan terbanyak pernah aku hasilkan adalah untuk The Misses… tapi beliau telah pun selamat bersama seseorang yang menyayanginya… Kedua terbanyak adalah untuk Miss Chocolate… kerana beliau berjaya membuat aku lupa akan The Misses… die sedang bahagia sekarang… Dalam list nama nie 2 dah berkahwin.. dua dah berpunya…. Dua lagi status adalah unknown… well single sebenarnya… tapi unknown…

Oleh kerana aku telah bersumpah untuk kali terakhir…. Maka “seseorang” untuk masa depan aku… adalah seseorang dari masa silam aku…

Tapi siapakah mereka dalam senarai ini…


Watch out for my post with the label secret…

Historical Day???

It’s been 4 months since I join the bank… but I’m only a month old in this here new department… Here… it’s different then when I was in Credit Risk… It’s crazy here… much-much crazy… with CNN right in front of my workstation… multiple radio station with multiple language being heard all day long… screaming on the phone even that the person on the other line is just a few tables away… sometime I sit in the middle while they scream at each other… it’s not really fighting… just that… hurm… how could I put it… its just the way they are…

Found many interesting person here in this department… amongst them is Chong… He’s the most interesting person to me… because he’s quite… you can’t even hear his voice…. to tell you the truth… I’ve been in this department for 36 days and never once I’ve heard he say a single word… bump into each other so many times… even at the men’s room… not a single squick… and today… today is a historical day… he specks…. Hahaha…

And his funny too… now I know that he’s actually the silent joker…

back at STAR 1...

Let’s start from the beginning… The year was 1995 or was it 1996… I was in primary school at the time… in STAR Johor Bahru. STAR is an ALL BOYS school… if you were ever in a one gender school… you know how naughty misguided children can be… if you haven’t been in one… just used your imagination…

In primary school, my friends and teacher called me Nizam… there are lots of stories with this name… that made me hate it when people called me this name… even though that it is part of my name…

Effny… yes… that’s is his name… he’s a friend of mine since our days in kindergarten… back at hilltop school… wonder where he is now… last I saw him was when he was in EC…

Back at STAR there’s this one Chinese English teacher… I can’t recall her name… but I still remember what she looked like… She was the strict type… she would scold her student for every single wrong thing… wrong spelling… incomplete homework… was not present at the class during her period… wrong English pronunciation… this I remember clearly, a friend of mine rather hold his pee then being scolded by the teacher… because once… he said “Teacher, may I go to Thailand” instead of to the toilet… it was funny yes… but I pity him…

Effny and I have similar background… so English was not really a problem for us… but one day… Effny didn’t finish his homework… well actually… I didn’t finish… He didn’t do a thing… and both of us were scared… so Effny was suggesting methods to prevent our English teacher from coming to class… if I recall correctly… I came up with a plan to sabotage the car… it started out as a joke… but Effny says its do able…

The English teacher was driving an old Toyota car… or was it Nissan… I can’t recall the car model but my late grandpa use to have the same model… that is how I know how to open the car even that it’s lock… I didn’t think it would work… that’s why I told Effny in the first place… but he pull out a multipurpose tool… the one that Mc Gyver use to have which has all sorts of tools in one… it was cool… (That’s why I keep it after “the job” was done) and he says lets do this…
Effny is the type with all the crazy mischief… and I was with the crazy ideas… so it’s a match…

We went to the car garage which was situated in a quite discreet place… near that garage there’s a tree which produce a fruit… until now I don’t know what is the name of the fruit… it’s like little strawberries… but you can’t eat it… that fruit produce a type of liquid when squeeze… and it would made you itchy… so I squeeze them using a plastic beg to act as glove… just plucking them from the tree had made me itchy… we open up the car… it was really easy to open the car door using that multipurpose tool…

Effny was impressed when the door got open… I put the liquid from the fruit on the steering wheels… because I thought it was the most effective place… but Effny went on and put it on the driver seat… the door handle… and the hand brake… maximum damage… he always goes for the maximum… later on we close back the door and put everything as it was and waited…

The dumb thing was… we thought she went out for lunch by car… so if the plan works… she wouldn’t make it to class on the last period… to look back and think logically… if she did went out during lunch with her car… we would have been caught… since we did it during lunch hour…

Effny’s face changed when she walked in to class during her period to teach… I was shock myself… at that point we knew the plan had failed… it didn’t bother me much though… since I’ve already finish half… and I’ve completed my home work during class… but Effny didn’t do a thing… he was one of the student at the time to stand on his chair until the end of class… that is after being canned.

But the next day… a substitute teacher replaced her… we were told that she was absence for medical reason… and afterwards… we discover… the medical reason was because she suffers itchiness on her hands and her body… the best part was… we knew the news about what actually happen to her after 3days… so me and Effny had manage to put peace in our classroom for 3days… =)

Secrets behind nicknames...

It’s very interesting to find out that most of my nicknames are more popular then my real name…

I went through Google… and google some of the names that I’ve use in the past and at present…
Those names are merely an image of who I was at the time… mostly to stay anonymous when writing… to be careful not to disclose real names…

It has already been warned over the internet not to disclose any personal information about yourself… as it may be used against you… but I think I would disclose a few names to let it be clear that I was there in some of your post… I don’t think that revealing these names would result in any casualty… and I hope that it would be a relief to you and to me…

Kasut Span Hitam (KSP), Mr Brown, Chanho Zouk (CHZ)…. I could only give three…
Which I think is harmless to me if revealed…

I don’t know why… but in my mind… there’s only one person who knows me more then anyone else… but she turns out to be a real bitch… not because I’m mad at her that I call her bitch… it’s because she really is a bitch… and I’m angry that I’ve shared myself with her… that I never had shared with any single soul before… so I’m gonna give all my secrets away…

But not all at once…

So just watch out for my post that’s label secrets…

This blog was originally called confession of a lost soul… I’ve change it to living the moment was because of Sherna… because my soul was not lost when I was with her… But it was trash when I was with a bitch called … ******a
All are welcome to read…

I'm back on the market

useless lah semua nie.... even though... thanks la for trying....

tapi korang xrase melampau ke? each night korang cube kenalkan aku dengan sorang demi sorang perempuan.... as friends je boleh lah....

hurm.... tapi korang memang pandai.... macam tau2 je aku tgh down sindrom malam tadi... sampai ke pagi baru balik.... tapi aku sangat puji effort korang.... bwk awek stewardess tu yang xbley blah...

sorry... aku xberkenan dengan gadis cantik..... muke je cantik.. perangai cilake.... enough.....