Friday

dan aku setelah kesulitan itu....

Few days till raya.... 3 days to be exact... but i don't feel that spirit of raya at all...

Beberapa tahun aku miss first day puasa untuk bersama family... duduk semeja makan bersama.... nikmati juadah yang ibu masak untuk berbuka... dan paling best air cincau yang sering ada setiao kali nak buka puasa... tapi aku terlepas kerna waktu tu aku study... tapi tahun nie... aku miss lagi... macam tahun lepas jugak... sebab aku kerje.... tapi xpe lah... yang aku expect nanti raya aku bole spent masa yang banyak dengan family...

Tapi hampeh... tahun nie first time aku raya berjauhan dengan family... 1st day raya kat office.... haru beb... time tu lah lagu2 raya syahdu yang dulu pada aku hanya sekadar lagu... tapi kini aku tu menghantui hati... menusuk kalbu dan juwa raga ini...

Bila aku terdengar... aku hayati... mulalah air mata menjurai-jurai jatuh kat pipi... pastu senyap2 aku sembunyi sapukan air mata tadi.... so what aku sensative... aku memang lahiriahnye macam nie...
tapi yang penting aku tak sendiri... mungkin tu lah sebabnye aku tak pernah terfikir nak lari terus balik JB... aku ada family aku sendiri... dan sedikit sebanyak tu buat aku happy...

Mungkin tamat sudah kesusahpayahan aku yang selama ini menjatuhkan aku.... dan Alhamdulilah... ada dia yang sentiasa ada disisi menarikku jatuh tatkala aku terbang tinggi... menyelamatkanku tatkala aku hanyut agar takku karam dalam lautan.... aku sedar hidup ini sempurna bila semuanya sederhana....

Monday

Sentiasa sukar...

semakin sukar... tapi itu yang buat kita mekar bukan??? yang dulu mereka benci... bila mereka ketahui akan cinta terlarang ini... tapi... aku tak peduli... kau juga tak peduli... yang penting kau dan aku happy... ke semua mereka itu boleh pergi mati... bukan ke itu perinsip kite dari dulu lagi??

Tak gitu kasih??? betul kan cin cinta???

ape yang lemah cuma mendengar... lepas puase nie.. kite korek telinga puas2 biar jelas apa yang nak diperjelas... tak usah lagi diperterang lagi disuluh...

aku ade kau.. kau nak ade aku???


Wednesday

coteng-conteng...

Aku nampak kau semalam... dan aku tau kau tak nampak aku... sebab secara refleks... aku jadi invisible man... hahahaha... kau nampak buruk... sorry to say... but terkejut.... ape jadi wey??? tak kisah la tu... nice to see you after so long... you look miserable... and I'm happy... jahat kan aku??? ahh... kau sendiri yang cakap aku jahat... so what??? u dunno me well enough to judge...

kau tau.. pasal kau aku benci officemate aku sejak dari first day aku join company baru aku... sebab muke die sebijik kau... hahaha... tak pasal minah tu kene benci dengan aku... tapi lelama aku releks ja... sebab die menggedik dengan aku... seriously gedik macam slut... aku suke.... sebab aku selalu bayangkan tu engkau... dan aku selalu marah2 die... hahahaha... gile zalim aku kan... nanti raye aku mintak maaf lah and kasi tau perkara sebenar...

kau antara hantu-hantu masa silam aku yang terus menghantui aku sampai sekarang... walau aku lari sampai kehujung dunia pun... dunia ni kecik je kan... tapi aku suke... sebab aku sentiase ingat caci makian kau... tanggapan kau dan segala apa yang buruk pernah kau cakap dan lontarkan pada aku... semua tu adalah cabaran aku... nak buktikan bertapa silapnya engkau nanti...

dan sekarang... aku ade dia... yang selama ini menjadi inspirasi aku.... dan bawa aku kesini... dimana aku berada sekarang ini... sebab tak perlu aku bagitahu ape yang dah aku capai... yang membezakan aku dan aku yang dulu... kerna... itu semua nanti akan membawa kejatuhan aku... sesungguhnya aku masih lagi mendaki... walaupun agak tinggi... namun masuh belum separuh dan puncak itu masih lagi tinggi....

Hingga nanti puncak itu telah aku cakap atau telah aku jangkau... sampai itu rahsia aku hanya aku yang tahu....

Saturday

tak bertajuk

Sebenarnya apa yang ada dengan kehidupan ini... Yang membuatkan kita lupa bahawa mati itu adalah selamanya???...
Sepertinya aku dah pun putus asa dengan kehidupan dan apa yang aku inginkan adalah mati...
Tapi... Aku belum cukup berani untuk mati... Belum cukup pahala untuk aku bandingkan dengan dosa yang mampu menyakinkan aku
Telahpun bersedia untuk bertemu yang Maha Esa...

Terenung sejenak... Berfikir... Mengimbau kembali kenangan silam... Yang membuat aku berasa... Hidup ini begitu indah... Namun...
Setiap darinya itu aku jalani hari2 ku dengan dosa... Ya Allah... Tuhan yang Maha esa... Sesungguhnya hambamu ini terpesong jauh dari jalan
Menujumu... Namun... Seperti hari ini... Diwaktu ini yang aku insafi diri... Aku kembali memungkiri janji... Tetap jua hidupku ini... Tidak jauh
Beza dari semalam yang aku tinggalkan...

Aku cuma mahukan yang lebih baik... Untuk diri aku... Jiwa aku... Untuk akhirnya nanti bertemu Mu...
Namun apa yang aku rasakan baik ini... Tidak di mata Mu... Dan sesungguhnya aku amat takut tergolong
Dalam mereka yang sesat...

Moga nanti aku mampu insafi kesemuanya dan akhir sekali menyedari... Kehidupan ini adalah jaminan dimana aku akan ditempatkan bila
Mulanya sangka kala itu di tiupkan...

Thursday

Bakutey la wey...

I want to express my frustration with most of the fresh grad student in the country...
Seriously guys... what's your problem???

Let me lay down the situation with our current working industry. Unemployment rate in our country has reached a rate whereby it seems impossible to get a job. Just to make it worst, more employer out there are looking for candidates with some years of experience under their belt to feel the position in their companies. So do you have the criteria to even possibly apply for the job???

Fresh grad, or i prefer to call them newbie’s... has a terrible mindset that is haunting my thoughts... they think whatever they major in the University is what they gonna be when they finish studying... well that's not all false... their chances to be what they study is there if they hold a degree... yet... the chance is very... very.. very... SLIM... for those with just a Diploma... JUST FUCKING grab whatever job you can get... your diploma is consider shit nowadays... not to condemn you people... because I too am a diploma holder... you can achieve success even with a diploma... it’s just that you need to start somewhere... delaying that start is actually delaying you to achieve success..



Just start somewhere and work yourself up... no one respect you with what kind of paper you have... it’s who you are and how you present yourself... here is something for you to think about... did you ever notice that those who excel in their studies in school are not the one who's likely to make it in life??? just think about it... and recall those so call "excellent student" in your school.. Studying and working are two different things... Whatever you major when you study, you still need to learn once you enter the work force... Have you guys even looked at the Job advertisement these days??? look it specifically at the qualification column... they will say... "Diploma or Degree in ANY FIELD"... in any field... see??? Regardless of whatever you study... those company with the intention of hiring will also include "training will be provided"... can't you see?? or are you too dumb to realize that whatever you learn in your Uni days is not applicable in your daily job task... even so... it's not entirely useless... you'll use what you've learn from time to time depending on the situation and your own creativity.

Ever wonder why our current educational system forces us to learn other subjects outside our major??? Here's an example... A friend of mind complain what's the purpose of her learning accounting when she Major's in Nursing... what does a nurse doing messing up her head with accounting... what does it got to do with Nursing anyway??? My dear.... the educational system is trying to teach you to be knowledgeable... don't stuck your head in only one thing... know everything... be resourceful... and you'll be an asset in any company...

A couple of weeks ago.. I was sad... a bit embarrasses... but I just bare with it since it’s so true... there were a few vacancy here in my department... So there were lots of resume receive by my manager... I even suggested few friends... since the relationship between me and my manager is pretty good... she often talks to me since I sit in front of her... While she was going thru some of the resume.. suddenly she puts away 3 / 4 resume aside... and start yapping bout the resume... she said the resume was sloppy, not ethical nor even relevant... just imagine applying for an executive post in a company but don't even know what's the company is about... all the resume were degree holders in various field. What made me sad afterward was when she said graduate from this University are not dependable... can't even speak English well even that the curriculums was in English... she said the University was a joke in producing these kind of graduate...
How do you think it made me feel??? Coming from the same University as them... luckily she didn't ask me... I don't know how to respond...

Please by any means... do your research on the company you're being interviewed. Even though you don't get the job... at least you gain some knowledge... Do read... have the tendency of reading at least a book in a month or a year... Ignorance is bliss... All I'm trying to say is... no one will help you to achieve success that you wanted except for yourself...

As for me... I take this as an experience to share with you and as a reminder for myself in the future... you got to eat shit before you can enjoy candy...

Good luck in joining the work force...