I want to be there for me

My closes someone always manage to leave me… either move away or to be in a better place… I cried when my best friend who was my first friend since I was three died… and when my closes cousin who shared dreams and ambition with me… but I cant cry when my grandpa when away…

His death had finally get thru me… you only live once… and can’t afford to live in half or pretending to be someone… life to short for that…. Take every chance available without hesitation… because you can’t spend the rest of your life wondering what if…

I was always there for my friends… and now I think its time for me to be there for me… to take care of me… my needs… my feelings… my thoughts…. My best friend Yana was right after all… ‘Do things that you want Ril… don’t always have to think about other people… satisfy your heart first before you satisfy others’…

All this time of caring… of putting other people first before myself had only bring me more heart ache… and now all of that has no point…. And now I will care about me…

I want to be selfish…