Parents Wedding

every normal person would grow up thinking about marriage... and they would also think about their parents to come to theirwedding... but what they don't expect is to come for their perents wedding...

i'm sure there's a lot of people that have been to their parents wedding... well our family institution this days isn't very strong due to so many reason... i would say it.. then this post wouldn't be about what i want to post about...

for a normal family you'll have a dad, a mum, and probably a brother or sister or just you alone... not many you've heard that have two mothers... but i do.. yes I got two mum's... but not because my dad got married again...

its like this... my mother and my other mum are best friends... and her son was my best friend... we are closed just like family... but.. later on my best friend whom is her son died of an accident when i was in the national servis... since then on she treated me like her own son.. well she did so before.. but more after my best friend's death... I was sad that my best friend died... cried my eyes out... he was my first friend in this world... we've known each other since both are in our mother's woam... do you know who's your first frend i this world???

May Allah rest his soul and put him in a better place... Amin

My Mother The kindergarden Teacher

Puan Hjh. Painah...she's a kindergarden teacher and infact she was my teacher when I entered there... Hiltop Private School.. HIltop Private school was establish in the 1950's... seriously.. it has been that long... the building there is a bit old school well... its an old english look.... since the english build them during the english occupation here in Malaya.. go figure right?....

you'll find kids as young as 3 years old there...because i was 3 when i first entered there... when i say lots of races... i do mean lots of races... not only you typical malay, chinese and indian.... but children from australia, japan, korea, America, england Indonesia, and i can't remember all.. because i only stated what i've seen... During my time... there were only kids from england, america and australia... wish i could hangout with a korean or japanese kid...

You see... Hiltop Private School is a school mostly for foreigners childrens that works in Malaysia.. mainly in the Johorcapital of Johore Bahru... its great there and even know i'm 22 now... I can still remember my kindergarden days...

and lastly... a picture of a kid with royal blood... if you are a Johorian... you'll know who's son he is....

Getting Enggaged

It happend again...

One of my childhood friend is getting enggaged... and soon to get married... well... in two years time... but seriously.. what's the deal with everybody??? everyone is talking about and planned about marrige... are you serious??

I've look back and counted... from all of my childhood friends... 3 including recently.. got enggaged... 5 are already married... and 3 already have kids... gosh... all that in the age of 22... owh yeah... my neace had recently got married too.. yes my neace... well she's the same age as me...

thinking about all this made me remember on how i was long ago... thinking about commitment... having a relationship.. staying true and all that 'BS'.... but now... I think that's all crap... I ain't getting married until at least 30..

I no longger believe in love so that isn't a problem to me... if there is a girl one day... that day is when i turn 30...before that.. everything would be just a fling.... i'm free... i'm not control by any bitch... i can do what ever.. when ever without feeling guilty of being nagged about it... this life is way more enjoyble then the last 10 and a half months ago of my life....

well.... I wish my bro happiness with the woman that he chose to spent his life with... I just wish that i would be at your wedding because i've missed most of our gang's wedding... not by choice...

My World

I was once told that in live... you must find your own world in order to feel the sense of belonging...I've search for this world.... and find a few... and thought that i belong in some of that world at first... but time told me otherwise... and so i keep on searching for my world.. just to feel the senseof belonging...

for now this is my world... well i've discovered it years ago... but i left it when i thought i had found something else... there was nothing wrong with it... except that its to wild... i love it... i didn't even know why i left it..
but now... i'm bck again. maybe to stay... maybe this is the world that i've been searching for...
to some... you might dispare... but i don't care.... you're not me...





i'm done trying making other people happy while i bare their sadness... i should be selfish and think about myself first... yup.. everyone should think about themself first before thinking ofothers... because you yourself are not perfect... so don't bother correcting people...
well thats too selfish.... okey... i would rephrase...

help others if only you think it dosen't effect you... thats the best way...

To Tabel and Ted

I'm so NOt over you

Tell me How... because i have all the answers but still i can't find ways to forget about you...
If only i didnt send you that text message... then i would never find out... how stupid of me to do so... I think its betterfor me to find out about it after you got married... so that the thouht of you getting married doesn't honst me at night... thinking of ways to stop you from gettin married to that guy... but that's just wrong... you from all people deserve to beliving the happy life you always dreamed off... it would be selfish of me to prevent such a thing from happening.... but... the funny thing is... i always thought that i was the one that would make you happy... the one that would take you to the ligtat the end of the tunnel... but it was never meant to be....
but i can say that it wasn't my act... That night... it was my heart that tells me to text you that night... even though thatits been more then a year since i last heard anything from you...
as usual me and my words would melt your heart... and i'm sure thats what made you reply my text message... well you said it so yourself... its always been that way... i've written a hundread poems for you since before we were an item... I don't know whybut i always have this inspiration to write about you... it doesn't matter that i'm happy or sad,,, or when i'm mad... in goodtimes or when times are bad... there would always be something to write about you... and now i wonder.. where did i get all this inspiration from... I think its because of the deep feeling... the campassion of my love for you without affection... you were my first true love... my first and only true love....
suddently i remember what i've wrote in one of my poems for you....

"Cinta suci yang abadi berlaku hanya sekali
walaupun kita tidak pernah pasti
namun cinta suci tetap kekal abadi dihati
walau tidak dapat disatukan di akhirnya nanti"


True love will only happends once in our livesbut we don't know when it happends...
but true love remains true in our heart and lives forever in our mind.... even when we fail to become one...

I never did find a replacement for you.... and i've been with a hundread girls after you left... there was one or two that hadinspired me to write about them... but i could only write one or two.. not a hundread like when i was with you...

why did you come back? why do you have to put me in this situation again.... all i think about now is you... and you getting married.... and no i will not come.... i will not go to you wedding.... i don't want my tears to fload your wedding day...

If i ever go... i would go with a special someone... whom manage to made me forget about you just by being with her... She wasthe perfect replacement.... no... she's not a replacement... she's more then that... she showed me how to love again... but she's gone too... and so this is how my love story ends... I'm trying not to feel sad.. because i don't wan her to feel guiltyshe was a breeze when she come... she swept me right off my feet... but like the breeze... it fade away..

so whats new about me?

lets see... my ex girlfriend... whom i was involved with for almost 3 years... the first love that i ever had is going to get married this July.... she invites me to come to the wedding.... that's just so awkward... never invite and ex to your wedding... why??

why invite a failed romance to come and see a successful one?

of course i wouldn't go... Im letting my past go by treating it as it never existed.... its the best way... just forgive and let go....

then just as i thought that i had found someone that i could love more then i could love my ex... ( believe me.. loving someone else just as much is hard for me) she dumped me... and so that conclude another failure in my relationship....

isn't live just fun....

i'm done being downhearted... being brokenhearted... and other feeling associated with the heart... i'll treat all the other girls after this as a temporary flings.... but then again... i could be looking back in my past for this one particular person whom always have a special place in my heart....

i'm so damn bored this holidays....

have to wait till bight to get some excitement...
but the real deal is always on the weekends.... nothing ever really happends during the week days...

God.. i need to find a job.. at lease something to do during the day... i've quite clubbin... so spending time with my friends has its limits....

so much time to be spent.. but nothing much to do....